Here are some of the most common statements people make when inquiring about couple's counseling:
•We fight over everything, even little things. We don't know how to talk without fighting.
•I don't feel listened to or understood.
•I feel betrayed and I don't trust him/her anymore.
•My needs aren't getting meet.
•I'm so confused about our relationship-I don't think anything can help us.
•Should we stay together?
•If after we go to counseling, what happens if I don't feel in love anymore?
•We aren't having sex anymore. Can we get that back?
•All my mate seems to want is sex, it makes me feel unimportant.
•I don't feel in love with him/her anymore. What can couple's counseling do for us?
Intimate relationships are one of life's richest pleasures, but also present us with some of our greatest challenges. I work with couples in all stages of relationships to learn better how to express and communicate through their differences. One of the main goals is to learn how to navigate through conflict, moving away from blaming and towards compromise and problem solving.
Are you dealing with any of these problems?
1. Financial Problems?
•Loss of a job and getting back in the game
•Juggling money to make ends meet
•Arguing over differences in spending and saving
•Worried about a growing debt
2. Sexual Issues?
•Lack of sexual intimacy when sleeping in separate beds or are not sexually active
•Having sex, but feeling frustrated and unsatisfied with your sexual relationship
•Knowing how to express your sexual needs to your partner
•Making sex fun again
•Wondering if the passion can come back
3. Communication problems?
•Frustrated with not feeling heard and understood by your mate
•Arguing and fighting over big and little things
•Feeling like you are "walking on egg shells" around each other
•Feeling stuck in a pattern of communication styles that don't work
4. Infidelity crisis?
•Feeling hurt, angry, or betrayed by an affair
•Wondering if you could ever trust your partner again or if you even want to trust again
•Feeling guilty and confused if you were unfaithful and not knowing how to proceed
•Wondering if your relationship can survive the aftermath of infidelity
5. Family or Parenting disagreements?
•Decisions over having children-how many or not at all
•Having differing parenting/discipline styles
•Wanting to be on the "same page" over parenting decisions
•Extended Family or in-law problems
6. Work and career decisions?
•Struggling with loss of job or decisions over career changes
•Frustrated with a partner who works too much or not at all
•Managing household duties, children, school, and or careers
How does Couples Therapy work and/or help?
I have helped many unmarried and married couples transform their relationship and feel more alive with themselves and with their partners. First by realizing conflict and differences are normal and unavoidable in any intimate relationship. Next, supporting each person in taking time to check in with their feelings, thoughts, needs, and whats being triggered in their relationship. Then, begin working interactively with the couple to learn the importance of using the Four C's to a healthy relationship: Commitment, Communication, Compassion, and Compromise.
Early in the therapy the focus is on rebuilding and improving the foundation and ground-rules to the couple's relationship. The couple is guided into a process that increases their capacity to express their concerns, feelings, and needs to their partner about what is disturbing to them. The couple learns skills to communicate better and start to see the impact that words, actions, and reactions have on their relationship. When couples are able to risk being open and honest with themselves and their partner, they begin the process of healing the emotional wounds in the relationship. Many couples see improvement within the first few sessions.
